It's okay not to be okay
Over the past few days, I have experienced an intense emotional journey filled with highs and lows. It all started when I made a significant decision that completely altered the direction of my life. This choice, which I had been contemplating for some time, suddenly became apparent, and I knew I had to take action. As I navigated through the aftermath, I felt a whirlwind of emotions—relief, fear, excitement, and uncertainty—all battling for my attention. Each moment brought new challenges and opportunities, leaving me to wonder how this change would impact my future. The experience was excruciating, and in the process, I caused pain to someone I deeply cared about. But the truth is, I was not okay. There were deep-seated internal struggles that demanded my attention, aspects of myself that needed to be examined and mended before I could even think about moving forward. Did it hurt? It was a searing pain that lingered in my chest, a constant reminder of the turmoil within.
We have been conditioned from an early age to conceal any indications that we are not doing well emotionally or mentally. Within the traditional church culture, there exists a pervasive belief that perfection is not only expected but mandatory. This ideology imposes a heavy burden, suggesting that vulnerability and the acknowledgment of emotional and psychological struggles are signs of weakness and lack of confidence in God. As a result, individuals often feel isolated in their pain, fearing judgment or rejection for expressing their true feelings. This mentality and unhealthy expectation create an environment where many silently grapple with their inner turmoil, longing for support and understanding while feeling trapped by the weight of unrealistic expectations.
The consequences of what I believe to be one of the most dangerous and destructive misconceptions are evident in the Church today: numerous individuals feel broken and unwhole. Many of these people carry emotional wounds that have not been addressed, leading to unresolved issues that permeate every area of their lives, including their relationships, work, and spiritual journeys. Sadly, in the process, people are hurt. Despite the clear need for discussion and support surrounding mental health, this topic has been largely pushed aside within the Church. Mental health struggles have been incorrectly labeled as secular concerns, perpetuating the false notion that Christians are immune to such experiences. This dismissal has created an environment where those who suffer in silence are reluctant to seek help or share their struggles, leaving many to navigate their pain alone. It is crucial for the Church to recognize the importance of mental health and to foster a supportive atmosphere where healing can occur.
I deeply relate to the Psalmist as he vividly expresses the stress he faced: “I anticipated the dawning of the morning and cried [in childlike prayer];” (Psalm 119:147, AMP)
The Amplified Bible vividly illustrates the Psalmist’s emotional response: he was overcome with sorrow and cried out in anguish, expressing the depth of his feelings through tears. Throughout my life, I have encountered several occasions when an intense wave of stress, confusion, and a desperate urge to flee overwhelmed me, ultimately culminating in panic attacks. In those distressing moments, I felt utterly lost and powerless, unable to comprehend the chaotic feelings and sensations that were enveloping me. My heart raced, my thoughts spiraled, and I found breathing difficult, but I couldn’t pinpoint the reason behind these reactions.
It wasn’t until I reached out for support from a mental health professional that I began to understand what I had been experiencing. Through our conversations and guidance, I learned to recognize these episodes for what they were—panic attacks. This newfound awareness was crucial in my journey toward managing my anxiety and stress more effectively.
Throughout my journey of self-discovery and healing, I took the courageous step of sharing the insights and emotions that had emerged during my sessions with my mental health professional. I sought guidance and clarity by bringing these experiences before the Word and the Holy Spirit. This process proved profoundly transformative, leading to a deep sense of healing and liberation that I had longed for. The combination of spiritual reflection and professional support allowed me to address my struggles holistically, paving the way for a renewed sense of hope and freedom in my life.
This past weekend, I boarded a plane, filled with a mix of anticipation and trepidation, to reunite with my best friend and his wonderful family. I arrived carrying the heaviness of my emotions; I felt broken and hurt as if I were dragging a backpack full of sorrow behind me.
The wounds from my recent poor decisions were still painfully fresh as if they were open and bleeding. I had no trouble pinpointing where I went wrong; I could see each mistake clearly and was ready to take full responsibility for my actions. Yet, acknowledging my faults didn’t make the pain any easier to bear.
As someone who has always thrived on being around others, I am a people person through and through. I cherish the laughter and connection that come from spending time with family and friends. This contrast made my situation even more challenging; the reality that I had hurt someone I love and care for deeply affected me at my core. The weight of my actions and the resulting disappointment hung heavily over me, making me yearn to vast my heart in the overdose of love my friend and his family poured over me.
They approached me with open hearts and minds, refusing to pass judgment on my circumstances. Instead, they took the time to truly listen to my feelings and struggles, creating a safe space for me to express myself. They clothed me with love, a tangible sign of their support, ensuring that I felt cared for and valued. More importantly, they emphasized that I was not defined by my past mistakes or shortcomings, reassuring me that our relationship was built on love and understanding. They made it clear that their love for me was unwavering and would remain strong, no matter what challenges may come.
God had a specific plan in place for me, even when I didn’t fully understand it. Through His guidance, I found myself boarding a plane filled with uncertainty and then transferring to a bus that would take me to a small church I had never heard of before. As I made this journey, I felt a sense of divine purpose compelling me forward. Little did I know, I was utterly unprepared for the profound experiences and revelations that the Holy Spirit was about to unfold in my life. The moments that awaited me at this Church would be filled with a tangible awareness of the presence of God.
I sat there quietly, absorbing the atmosphere around me. My mind was in a reflective state, opting for a position of receptivity rather than active engagement. As I listened intently, I felt a deep sense of connection to the moment and to the move of the Holy Spirit. The main speaker delivered a profound message on Sunday morning, emphasizing that as long as God is present among us, there will always be a guiding word from Him to offer us wisdom and comfort.
During this time, my thoughts and prayers were focused on the heartfelt words of the Psalmist. I found myself repeating those sentiments in my mind, seeking solace and guidance from their depth and meaning. It was a time of spiritual reflection, and I felt a powerful sense of presence and purpose in simply receiving the shared message. I was praying the following: “breathe life into me again by the revelation of your justice.” (Psalm 119:149, TPT)
I experienced the profound warmth and love of “strangers” who graciously welcomed me into their midst, even though they knew little about me. Their only connection to me was my friendship with one of the speakers at that gathering. As I took my seat in the quaint, humble Church located along the Mexican border with Arizona, I felt a wave of the Father’s love wash over me.
In that serene atmosphere, the presence of the Holy Spirit became undeniably real; it enveloped me, reached deep into my heart, and ignited a spark of faith within me that brought greater peace to my troubled heart. The experience was truly incredible, illustrating the remarkable power of the gospel to unite people from diverse backgrounds.
It was heartwarming to witness how the Holy Spirit works, drawing us together in fellowship and prompting us to embrace individuals we have never met before. In that moment, we transformed into something greater than ourselves; we became a family, bound by our shared beliefs and love for one another. Indeed, we are all part of the same body of Christ, and that connection was manifested at that gathering.
While on my flight back home, I decided to take out my Bible for some reflection. As I flipped through the pages, I found myself drawn to Psalm 119:152 (TPT). The powerful words resonated deeply with me, sparking a moment of contemplation and gratitude amidst the noise and bustle of the event that made my heart bleed. Each verse seemed to offer comfort and wisdom, reminding me of the strength found in faith during times of transition:
I’ve known all along how true and unchanging
is every word you speak, established forever!
As I was on my flight back home, I felt a profound presence of the Holy Spirit speaking to my innermost being. The message resonated clearly: “I am unchanging; my nature and truths are eternal. You have been called for a unique and significant purpose in this world. Your appointment is to share my heart and life-giving message with those I will take you to. I have endowed you with special insight and understanding that allows you to connect deeply with others. Today, I want to affirm my words of love, healing, and restoration over your life. Embrace this mission, for it is a vital part of my divine plan.”
God’s truth offers us profound comfort and reassurance in our lives. It acts as a solid foundation, much like a rock, allowing us to stand firm amid life’s challenges and allowing us to see a brighter future on the horizon. The words of God are intrinsically true; their essence and nature resonate with honesty and integrity. Jesus emphasized this powerful reality by stating that the truth sets us free. He embodies this truth, and we can fully trust Him and the guidance of the Holy Spirit when faced with painful and difficult situations.
Embracing the truth may lead to moments of discomfort, especially when we are asked to confront our shortcomings or past mistakes. However, it is essential to recognize that, although the process may be challenging, the truth will never harm us. Instead, it serves as a pathway to liberation and healing.
I firmly believe that the Holy Spirit is actively working in your life, striving to remind you of His desire to liberate you from all that holds you captive. He wants to break the yoke of burdens and the chains forged by sin, fractured relationships, feelings of abandonment, and pervasive anxiety. By acknowledging and embracing the truth, you open yourself up to a transformative experience leading to lasting freedom and peace. Freedom, healing, and restoration come from God’s very throne.
Every word that comes from God is fundamentally unchanging and eternal. When God makes a promise or delivers a message, it will be fulfilled in its proper time and manner. This assurance is rooted not merely in a vague hope but in a profound belief that the words spoken by the Holy Spirit will not be subject to change or alteration.
Understanding the immutability of God’s promises instills within us a deep sense of confidence, as we can rely on His faithfulness. This confidence transforms our outlook, providing us with peace in times of uncertainty and security amidst life’s challenges. Knowing that God’s words are steadfast allows us to navigate our lives with a greater sense of purpose and stability as we rest assured that what He has declared will indeed come to pass. The Holy Spirit gently reassures you, saying, “I am unwavering and unchanging, so my promises for you remain steadfast and eternal. No force or circumstance will ever alter them. Take comfort in this truth and find peace in the unwavering security of my word.”
The word of God spoken over our lives serves as a robust foundation, establishing the profound truths that come from heaven and the endless possibilities and realities that can align with our own experiences. This word acts like a solid bedrock upon which we can build our lives. When the Holy Spirit imparts a specific word to you, it opens an opening for God’s supernatural workings to enter and transform your reality in remarkable ways.
Moreover, the word of God brings clarity and stability to our minds, offering us a sense of security in an often unpredictable world. As we meditate on His promises, we can experience a deep peace in our hearts, knowing we are guided and protected. In our spirits, the word instills a bold confidence that empowers us, reinforcing the conviction that whatever God has declared, He can bring to fruition. This assurance allows us to navigate life with faith and hope, relying on the unwavering truth of His promises.
During the conference I attended, I received a powerful prophetic word that significantly impacted my life. What was spoken over me not only brought me greater clarity about the decision I had made, but it also filled me with a profound sense of peace. This assurance helped me realize that I had chosen the best path forward.
As I listened to this pastor, who has since become a dear friend, I could feel the strength of his words resonating deeply within me. It was the Holy Spirit speaking directly to my heart. He spoke with such conviction and insight that I couldn’t help but feel a surge of confidence. The Holy Spirit reminded me that God constantly guides and protects me in everything I do.
The moment was truly transformative as the Holy Spirit moved within me, declaring truths that spoke directly to my spirit. I felt an overwhelming sense of affirmation, knowing that I am not alone in my journey and that divine support is always present. This experience has reinforced my faith and encouraged me to trust in the path he laid out before me.
In my spirit, I sensed the Holy Spirit looking at me with a warm, reassuring expression, offering comfort and hope. Then he whispered: “Son, know that I will always be by your side, guiding you as you navigate through this challenging season of your life. I wished fervently that none of this turmoil had unfolded, but dwelling on the past is no longer important. It doesn’t matter anymore that you chose to turn left when I advised you to go right. What truly matters is that you’ve decided to rededicate your life to me, granting me the authority to speak into your life and lead you from this moment onward. Always remember, I am with you every step of the way. I love you deeply, and you will forever hold a special place in my heart as my beloved son.”